


Ophelia

by iimplicitt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1940s, Angst, Blood and Violence, Brotherly Love, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Seventh Year, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Inspired by Poetry, Knights of Walpurgis, Love/Hate, Pining, Poetic, Poetry, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Pureblood Politics (Harry Potter), Ravenclaw, Slow Burn, Slug Club, Slytherin Politics, Suggestive Themes, Wizarding Wars (Harry Potter)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 18,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iimplicitt/pseuds/iimplicitt
Summary: 𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙚;𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙣 𝙙𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙢𝙤𝙫𝙚;𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙖 𝙡𝙞𝙖𝙧;𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙩 𝙞 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚.Only issue is, Abraxas had been lying his whole life and she had absolutely no reason to believe him. Not anymore.
Relationships: Abraxas Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Original Female Character(s)/Original Male Character(s), Tom Riddle/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. 𝖊𝖕𝖎𝖌𝖗𝖆𝖕𝖍

~•~

"The more a person knows of himself, the more he will hesitate to define his nature and to assert what he must necessarily feel, and the more he will be astounded at his capacity to feel in unsuspected and unpredictable ways."

 _Man, Nature, and Woman,_ Alan Watts


	2. 𝖕𝖗𝖔𝖑𝖔𝖌𝖚𝖊

**When** I saw the wonder in your eyes, I never knew I was to scold you for it until I saw the look my father gave you.

Oh, yes, you were one of them.

_It's so obvious,_ my father said through a grimace as you laughed in childish delight.

I shifted to watch you, curiosity taking hold of my chin and the woman fitting my robes pinched me for moving.

I winced.

You laughed again.

I found the sound delightful.

No one laughed at home.

_She needs a leash,_ my mother said, the cruelty in her voice clawing at my ears and making them bleed.

I looked at you, forcing a frown to tug at my lips.

Your eyes caught mine in the mirror.

You stopped your giggling then and settled for a smile.

_Are you going to Hogwarts as well?_

I looked at my father, not sure if I was even allowed to speak to you. But he merely rolled his eyes and I nodded once.

_Obviously_.

Your lips didn't droop at my tone. I was being rude. You didn't mind.

_I'm Ophelia._

A tense pause.

I ignored your hand.

_Abraxas_.


	3. 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖎

The pain you caused me on a daily basis could equate to a lifetime of suffering.

Perhaps I was a masochist then, for I wouldn't have had it any other way.

In the torture you inflicted on me, though it was admittedly involuntary on your part, gave me refuge.

You were the problem but also the solution.

You were inevitable, destined to rip the already broken wings off my back and burn them in an eternal flame.

All the while you smiled.

Unaware you held such power.

Indifference didn't work. I tried to deaden myself from sensitivity to your actions but so far that has been my greatest failure.

I'm trying, really, I am.

Be patient, please.

I promise I'll get to you before you drown under the waves I have so ruthlessly brought upon your head.

I'll get to you before you choke on the giggling lilies.

Before seaweed wraps a hand around your throat.

Before the undertow takes you down to the hell I have damned you to.

I know this looks bad, seeing as I'm staring at you just above the surface as you struggle.

The water a glimmering veil that hides your tears.

I know this isn't fair, but be patient, Ophelia.

Please.


	4. 𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖊𝖋 𝖔𝖋 𝖛𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖚𝖊

**I** was an idiot.

Plain and simple. I had never known when to quit, when I had pushed too far, when I was being ignorant, selfish, or cruel. All my life I had been raised in wealth, I was the heir of a massive fortune and with that came the scrutiny of my father.

Actaeus never knew when to quit, so neither did I.

And Merlin, I was awful to you.

Thinking about it made me sick to my stomach as I'd watch you walk by with your cherry red lips forming a smile as you helped a third year with his homework.

I watched you as long as I dared, ignoring the world pounding on the door, the war begging to be let in and infect my mind with worry.

You kept it out of my head, though.

The kindness that bloomed out of your skin used to disgust me. Deep down I knew I never deserved it, so ridicule and venom would slip off my tongue every time you had said _hello_.

Even the first time we met, I was floored.

_Hello, Abraxas. It's so very nice to meet you_ , you said with that twinkling glimmer and your soft hand held out. And all I did was snarl at you like the wounded animal I am.

But you never relented, you were stubborn that way and admittedly I liked the attention I was getting from you. Sure, everyone's eyes were on me, they always were. But all you did was smile, you never asked me for anything and you never offered anything.

For the first three years our only exchanges were _hellos_ , though my side was typically mute, staring down my nose at you in disgust.

I could never bring myself to say the word to you.

It would crawl up my tongue like a spider, it's legs tickling my throat and the poison awaited to drip out and to spin its webs around you with the derogatory term for blood.

For filth.

But you were the purest thing alive.

The summer before fourth year is when I caved, but I didn't shed the shadows that clung to my skin like tar.

It was reckless, on your behalf, honestly what were you thinking? My father had hit me with his cane, nothing new, I was used to the familiar sting of silver against my shoulder.

And then you waltzed along, the fury of the heavens in your eyes and your chestnut brown hair swirled like the breeze in a storm as you glared up at Actaeus and told him off.

You shouted at my father, in public, and I couldn't help the flicker of endearment that ignited in my chest.

I never said thank you, though.

I _yelled_ at you afterwards.

Not meaning a single word but it sounded like I did. I made you believe I did. Your beautiful eyes became pools and ichor slid down your flushed cheeks.

_I was only trying to help,_ you said in a faint whisper.

That exchange weighed heavy in my chest all the way up until Christmas and Slughorn's party reared its head.

I caved again.

I asked you to the dinner.

You were shocked.

And mine doubled when you actually said _yes_.

But halfway into the night my wickedness swallowed me whole, whispering doubts and taunting me with a devilish fiend.

Riddle scolded me for even talking to a muggle born.

I left you at a table.

Your eyes found me later on when I was kissing Olive and my hands were halfway up her dress.

We didn't talk, but you still smiled your greetings, every time the breath left your lips I felt like a prayer was washing over my tainted skin. Purging me of sin every morning and throughout the day it would just layer back on like heavy wool.

We didn't talk until that Myrtle girl died and Hagrid was expelled.

Guilt in my chest because I knew who was actually responsible, they were currently lounging on a chair across from me and reading a book.

The next day you walked up to me, hands clasped in front of you and you bit at your lip as if it was ripened fruit.

I couldn't breathe.

_Are you okay?_

I sat dumbly, blinking up at you with my silver, fox like eyes. But for the moment I was out of tricks. No one had ever asked me that before and I hadn't the faintest clue how to respond.

Then you smiled again and took hold of my hand.

We'd never touched before.

My heart stopped and for a moment I feared I was dying.

Everything froze, it was just you. You and your curls of amber and eyes made from the water of Aphrodite's fountain.

No wonder you cried the blood of gods.

I stared at you and you understood.

I panicked and let go of your hand, turning away.

We didn't talk.

Fifth year I found you bleeding in the hallway well past curfew. A hand pressed to your bruising cheek.

Your boyfriend had a temper.

I wanted to castrate him.

I wanted to do so every time he touched you or pressed his ungrateful lips to your holy skin.

Which confused me and I ended up drunk and punched a wall.

I broke my hand.

The badge that was pinned to my robes seared into my skin like a brand fresh off the lick of flames and I felt _bad_ as I walked closer, wishing I wasn't a prefect.

Wishing I wasn't _me._

Like some how your pain was my fault.

I nearly apologized to you.

I nearly asked if you were okay.

_Get back to your dormitory or else I'm giving you a detention._

But you didn't look affronted. You smiled instead. The sight looking as if it was carved from Michelangelo himself.

Because you knew, I never let people simply walk away.

I basked on getting people in trouble.

I should've written you up, but I didn't.

My eyes shone like the moon as I watched you step closer, tilting your head back to look up at me as if _I_ was the art work.

_Goodnight, Abraxas._

Goodnight nearly slipped out of my mouth, my throat bubbling with acid. The smell of hot honey and roses and lemon... the smell of _you_ swinging down like a pure diamond guillotine and cut the rationality right off my shoulders.

I could hear it hit the floor with a heavy thump. I could see it as it rolled away, leaving a bloody trail.

I panicked and wrote you up.

You had more bruises.

We didn't talk.

Not until it was your birthday and I impulsively sent you a single rose and a old piece of parchment with _sorry_ scribbled in ebony ink.

It was pathetic.

But you said _good morning_ to me again, the flower in your hold and your smile was bright despite the storm raging outside and the yellow and purple stain on your cheek.

I finally said it back.

The words foreign on my tongue, my lips pressing together and warm from the tea I was drinking.

Later that night I had found a rose petal in my bag with a letter that asked _are you okay?_

I crumpled it up and threw it in the fire.


	5. 𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖚𝖘

**If** I hurt you, you never showed it.

Why were you so nice?

You knew people talked about you, they never bothered to keep their voices down.

I nearly hit Olive when she stuck her foot out during potions and made you trip, dropping all of your ingredients and papers.

My fingers twitched with the urge to help you. My mind racing with the possibility of what if our hands brushed against one another?

I didn't move.

I thought I was being subtle with my drifting eyes.

Clearly not as later that night Riddle's wand was pointed at my chest.

_Crucio._

A soft whisper which was a dichotomy to my screams.

I was being punished for looking at you. And I wanted to laugh at my insanity for not caring. I knew I was going to do it again.

And again and again and again and again until I grew sick of the sight of your cheeks that were always stained with the blood of pomegranates. My own version of Persephone, in all her Eleusinian mystery.

I would never be able to take my eyes off you.

The next day I was limping and your hand rested against my arm, helping to steady me when in reality your touch nearly made me collapse.

_Are you okay?_

That blasted, infuriating question poured out from you again. Why do you keep asking me that? You'll never get an answer, for I truly don't know.

Even though I wore a long sleeve button down I could feel your blessed skin tear through it, imprinting yourself on me as if it was the holy palmers kiss.

I stared at you, not realizing we had both come to a stop in the middle of the stairs, bodies ripping past us like a school of fish but never touching, never intruding into the den we fashioned.

A dangerous game.

The eagle and the snake.

Talons of bronze drenched in crimson and fangs of silver that leaked ruin.

But in the end who always had the vantage point?

The one who could fly.

I would always be stuck on the ground, far beneath you and never getting off the ground no matter how desperately I wanted to.

I could scream. I could cry out to you.

But all you'd hear is a hiss and you'd retreat into the clouds, soaring and free, far away from me. 

This was nature.

And it was cruel.

I shrugged you off.

The next morning I could've sworn your skirt was a bit shorter.

_Good morning._

I ignored you.

The petal you gave me wilting in my breast pocket.

Part of me wanted to charm it, to make it last forever. But I knew that would be reckless.

It was stupid, and childish.

It would have been the actions of a boy.

I still watched you, though. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. I'd lean in the archway that overlooked the courtyard, a cigarette dangling from my lips as I watched you rest your head in the lap of your boyfriend.

I despised him.

Everything about the raven haired boy made it feel like Uriel had just impaled me with his sword.

_Scotty_.

You'd say, his name a lilt on your tongue, your tone sounding like velvet and I wanted to die.

Truly I did.

Because you'd say his name so lovingly despite the marks of anger he'd leave on you. You hid them well, but I'm an observant person.

When you'd reach up to grab something off the higher shelves in potions your cuffs would slip back and I could make out the disgustingly yellow and green hand prints.

At first I knew you removed them with a simple charm.

But then I caught him yelling at you for doing so and he hit you.

I bit my tongue.

But the next day Scott somehow fell down the stairs.

Twice.

Don't be like Hera, I beg you. Don't let his wickedness defile your nature and your power. Don't let him use you.

But who am I to give you such a lecture?

If he's Zeus.

I'm Cronus.

He may ail you, but I fear if I got careless I'd rip out your heart without thinking twice. I'd stomp on it, tear it apart, sink my own sins into the beating artery and grin as you begged me to stop.

Or perhaps I was getting it the wrong way around.

After all, the Titans were the ones who fell.


	6. 𝖆𝖗𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖑'𝖘 𝖈𝖗𝖞

**Sixth** year started when the seventh seal broke.

 _Boom_.

It was a buzzing sound that shattered the clouds and Jegudiel was poised stoic as he looked down his nose.

I watched in agonizing wonder as he gestured his arm out and hail and fire mingled with blood dropped off his robes and fell to the earth. Burning up the trees and flowers.

 _Boom_.

Selaphiel's wings stretched out, twitching and yawning, ready to take flight.

The mountain he threw burned and crumbled into ash, disappearing in the oceans which transformed into crimson.

 _Boom_.

Gabriel stepped forward, rolling his shoulders and sobbing, his tears dripping with toxicity and he poisoned the waters of the earth.

Men dying left and right from drinking its bitter taste.

It was all they had left to purge the thirst they felt clawing at their tongues.

 _Boom_.

With his ember eyes Uriel stood up, thrusting his sword at the sun, its light bleeding out and catching the blade in an eternal flame. Casting the world in a void of darkness.

Not even the moon could save us now.

The final call before the trumpets of woe.

 _Boom_.

The fifth one jumped, people screamed as they watched Michael plummet to the unforgiving ground.

My breath hitched.

Then his wings unfurled.

His voice a wail.

_Woe, woe, woe, to those who dwell on the earth, because of the remaining blasts of the trumpet of the three angels who are about to sound!_

The Star then fell.

The ground shattered, and from the bottomless pit inky blackness seeped out like a gash.

I barely had time to blink before scorpion tailed war horses tore out from hell. Their teeth sharp with golden crowns made of thorns.

 _Boom_.

Raphael commenced the second woe.

Leading troops of a hundred million. Spreading plagues of fire and smoke and brimstone.

My eyes watered. I tried to call out to you but ash caked my insides.

 _Boom_.

I cried when Barachiel lowered the golden trumpet from his lips, a cruel smile adoring his features and his nimbus was that of gods glory.

Heaven screamed.

_The kingdom of the world has become the kingdom of our Lord and of his Messiah, and he will reign forever and ever._

I wanted to hold you.

It was all over.

Humanity had perished.

The world ended.

Or at least that's what it felt like.

You were different. Something had happened over the summer.

We didn't talk.

So I couldn't ask you.

My answer was found in a prophet.

I paled.

You gave me nothing when I walked up to you, whispering my condolences.

I know death changes people but it hurt to see you this way.

You still smiled but I knew that starlight inside you had dimmed.

_Thank you, Abraxas._

And then you walked away.

Funny, it was usually me who did that.

War reached everyone. Seeping through the cracks of the castle, flooding, drowning us. Making us scared.

Hogwarts was supposed to be safe.

And perhaps it was, physically.

But no one could stop the emotional damage that walked through its doors.

You hung onto Scott and it hurt but I did nothing.

He was your boyfriend, of course you'd seek comfort in him and not me.

What have I ever done for you?

He's still a piece of shit.

And he's your boyfriend.

The first months passed and slowly you began to be lighter. The flowers finally shaking off the heavy dew.

But your stem would forever be bent.

Thorns had grown.

You'd always be a mourner, the title was now draped over your shoulders like a cloak.

But it'd never weigh you down.

Not unless it rained.

We didn't talk.

For me it felt like the longest time, the seconds ticking by slowly as if the hands were coated in molasses.

I nearly killed my self when I saw you in the stands.

You were even wearing green.

You were cheering and smiling, whistling and rooting for my side.

For my team.

I was captain after all.

And you were rooting for _me_.

I nearly killed my self as I lost balance on my broom.

All I could see was you. The other faces disappeared. The crowd was swallowed whole and you stood on your own throne, the wind brushing your hair and your cheeks were flushed and your eyes wrinkled in the corners as you shouted.

Damn you.

I didn't even see our chaser shoot the winning goal.

The crowd rushed from the stands.

I flew down, dropping off my broom and stumbling.

Where were you?

I needed to find you.

Olive gripped my arm, saying such sweet things and congratulations.

I ignored her and found you.

You were surrounded by your fellow birds of prey.

But shit, you were wearing green and-

I nearly tripped.

You had my number painted on your cheek.

_Ophelia?_

Your name wasn't new on my tongue.

I whispered it in my dreams.

You spun with the grace of a ballerina. I was too close and you stepped back but I danced forward.

Our bodies caught in a pas de deux.

 _Well done_ , you said kindly.

You smiled but I knew it wasn't the same.

 _Thanks_.

My voice was pathetically quiet and I could feel the beat of the eagles' wings on my back as your friends stared.

I looked stupid as I pointed a hand to your cheek.

 _Oh_ , you flushed, _right. It was your first game as captain so I just thought_... you trailed.

My eyes were glazed over as I watched your mouth move.

 _Sorry_ -

 _No_ , I shook my head, words finally coming back to me. _It's fine. Thanks._

You nodded, lingering a moment longer, waiting for me to say something else.

Hell, _I_ was waiting for me to spit something out.

 _I'll see you in potions,_ and you bowed your head and turned.

 _Don't_.

My mouth tasted sour at the word and you raised an inquisitive brow.

_Come to the celebration._

I should really shut up.

This was stupid.

_In the dungeons?_

I should tell you never mind.

 _Yes_.

You bit your lip and my stomach pooled, the sensation similar to when tobacco seduced me.

_Can I bring a friend?_

You didn't say your boyfriend.

I smiled.

 _Sure_.

Music was loud, you were laughing. Your body twirled and I wanted to grab hold of the emerald scarf you were wearing and kiss you.

My drink turned into mud at the thought as it slid down my throat.

What was wrong with me?

I needed to stop wasting my time on such fantasies but goddammit you make it so difficult when you look the way you do.

Shaking my head, I turn away.

I hear you gasp.

Looking over my shoulder you're drenched.

For a moment I thought it was honey coating your skin before I noticed Olive smirking with an empty cup.

I shouldn't have invited you.

I shouldn't have thrown you into the snakes pit.

Your friend guided you out, throwing a glare over her shoulder but not at Olive — at me.

I knew I deserved it.

You turned, offering me a smile but I didn't have time to bask in it as Olive grabbed hold of my shirt and kissed me.

The next morning you didn't say hello.

We didn't talk.

I've never seen you look annoyed before.

There was some relief when I knew it wasn't directed at me.

In the library your brows were furrowed, hair tied up in a knot of sap and your hands stained black.

You were working on an essay.

I loved watching you write.

You wrote with the fervor of an Oracle. Your knuckles white around the quill as if you were dangling off a cliff.

If you didn't finish your sentence you'd fall.

Every few moments you'd pause and take a deep breath and readjust your grip, but before reality could stomp on your fingers, you bit your lip and started again.

It wasn't until you finished your fifth page that you looked up at me and I blushed.

I fucking blushed.

_Do you need something, Malfoy?_

Ouch.

My constant companion of confidence ran away with its tail between its legs.

You've never called me by my surname before.

_Of course not._

My tone was neutral, but it lacked its usual cruelty.

_Then quit staring at me._

You brushed your hair back and smudged a cloud on your cheek.

I watched with bated breath.

Standing up, you slung you're bag over your shoulder and clutched your essay to your chest.

You made to walk past me but I stepped in your way.

Craning your neck up, you glared.

That was new.

_Please move._

I didn't say anything as my hand reached up and cupped you're cheek.

Your eyes widened.

You didn't move.

My thumb gently wiped away the tarnishing ink.

We stared at each other for a long time.

Or perhaps it was only a few seconds.

I couldn't bring myself to pull away.

Your skin was so soft against my palm. I felt unworthy.

If I touched you for too long my sins would claw at you and get under your skin like a parasite.

I pulled back.

_I wanted to apologize for what Hornby did_ , I said quietly.

_Oh?_ Your voice was a squeak and I had a hard time stopping the small grin threatening to yank my cheeks back.

There was a tense pause.

_Where'd you get the scarf?_ I asked.

You looked confused. It was fascinating. You never looked like that.

_What scarf?_

_The one you wore to the game._

_Oh_.

More silence. The candles hovering overhead flickered and your eyes glowed. You smiled. You were blushing suddenly.

_Tom gave it to me_.

The bastard wasn't even here and but I felt his nails tear through my back, ripping out my spine to get to my heart and he squeezed a hand over it.

Stopping the pulse.

Am I dying?

I was still being punished.

And this was by far more excruciating than any unforgivable.

The world was definitely ending.


	7. 𝖗𝖔𝖘𝖊𝖒𝖆𝖗𝖞 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖕𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖎𝖊𝖘

**How** dare he?

I had the inkling he wasn't human, but _fuck_.

Now Tom would stare at you, his eyes blazing and a boyish smirk on his lips and I'd crumble at the sight of you blushing.

I'd watch as guilt then laced your mouth as you remembered you were dating Scott.

But this was Tom Riddle.

If he wanted you, he'd have you.

And I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

I was sworn to him, his loyal knight. My armor made from the night sky and the chain mail crafted from the lies he wove so elegantly.

I was trapped and it was my fault.

And he was luring you in to punish with me.

_Look what I can have so easily. Yet you're struggling as if your legs are broken. Isn't that funny?_

_Yes, my Lord._

I wanted to pitch my self off the highest tower I could find.

Riddle wasn't interested in you. I'm not being a dick, I'm being honest. He didn't care for beauty in people. But if he saw you as valuable, then he'd turn on the charm.

The only love Riddle experienced was for power and materialism.

Not that he craved to be rich, no. He didn't give a damn about money.

He was in it for the game.

And he'd chosen you as a chess piece and it was my fault and I'm sorry.

Ophelia I'm sorry.

Words I wanted to shout at you but it wouldn't make sense and you would think I'm insane.

Maybe I am.

Maybe I'm your Hamlet.

If that's the case perhaps you're better off with Riddle, he protects his investments.

He'd mutter compliments to you, comment on how stunning your work was, he liked your hair, he liked your wand work.

He liked.

He liked.

He liked.

He lied.

Constantly.

That was his love language and I prayed you were fluent.

The only thing I could tell he was _mildly_ taken by was your ability to hold a conversation.

Again, you never asked him for anything and you never gave anything.

You never complimented him.

You never stared at him.

You never stumbled when you talked to him.

You never offered to do anything for him.

The only thing that gave you away was that god forsaken blush.

I watched as he rested a hand on the small of your back and my grip slipped on a phial and my potion exploded.

Slughorn wasn't happy.

But you laughed and I felt better.

It didn't last long because you looked at Riddle and shared a knowing glance.

Scott couldn't retaliate.

He was just as helpless as me.

One never stepped on the toes of a god for they would never be able to reach their throne in the first place.

I drank myself senseless the day Riddle asked you to go to Hogsmeade with him.

And when I found out you said _yes_ — when I saw you walking with him in the village with your arms linked together — when I saw you sharing treats — when I saw you two dancing at the Inn — when I saw him wipe the butterbeer off your lips with his thumb — when I saw him kiss you —

I slept with Olive.

Dying would be better than this.

Scott found out, as he was bound to, Riddle didn't just kiss anyone, he was furious.

When I saw the cuts he'd adorned on your skin, like a thief so carelessly ripping out a canvas, I wanted to hold you.

I wanted to ask if you were okay.

I wanted to kill Scott.

But you were already in another's arms.

He beat me to it, and now you'd hold onto him.

Riddle had never been vile to you. Riddle never said anything to hurt you. Never yelled at you. Never made you cry. Never shrugged you off.

I've done all those.

Countless times.

He was manipulating you and you couldn't see it.

I fell into the deep end.

The ice crawled over my skin every time I saw the two of you together.

You weren't dating. Riddle didn't date. But you might as well have been.

_Good morning._

I ignored you.

The next game you wore his bloody scarf, his arm slung over your shoulders and he'd smirk at me.

At night he'd throw comments about you around as if you were a political topic he found intriguing. He'd pick you apart, insult you — call you _mudblood_.

When I didn't laugh along with the others I screamed on the floor instead for an hour.

_Good morning._

I'd walk the other way.

I caught you kissing him in an empty hallway, you didn't notice. Riddle did. He winked at me as his mouth slid over your neck, sucking and biting and the mewl that parted from your lungs made me feel dizzy.

I could see his venom sinking into you and I left and I threw up.

_Good morning._

I showed up to class drunk.

Swaying on my feet and giggling and you looked concerned and I snarled at you.

I'd been backed into a corner and I was frightened.

The sight of you felt like a knife twisting inside my chest and I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted it gone. I wanted that numbness that made people aliens.

Late one night I was walking the halls aimlessly. My shirt half opened, a cigarette hanging from my lips and a bottle of fire whiskey clutched in one hand.

And then I saw you and my fangs slipped out.

_Hello_ -

_Fuck off._

_Excuse me?_

I glared at you. You didn't deserve it. But I'm an idiot.

I never know when to stop.

Taking a drag, I pulled the tobacco from my lips and gestured a hand at you, _you're seen as a whore, you know that right?_

You smiled and I frowned.

_You don't mean that._

_Yes I do._

_You're drunk._

Stop being so goddamn kind. It's infuriating.

I never knew when to stop.

_I may be drunk but not enough to miss the obvious. You're a whore and you let men use you. Clearly not to your benefit_ _considering_ _Scotty marked you up._

You turned to stone.

I never knew when to stop.

_Did you not like it rough anymore? Because, let me tell you a secret_ , I leaned in close, my whiskey stained breath hitting you and my heart lurched when you flinched.

_Tom Riddle isn't a gentle man. You'd be lucky if he didn't toss you off the astronomy tower after he had his way with you, and trust me he will._

I sighed and took a drink.

The fox had resurfaced, making itself a home in my bones, grinding them painfully at the joints but never stopping.

Your pretty blue eyes were tearing up.

But water had no place in winter. With one touch of the eastern wind it freezes over and life along with it wilts.

_I thought you were a smart girl but fuck_ , I laughed, _you can't see what's right under your nose._

_Abraxas that's enough._

_Riddle may never hit you but trust me he'll leave one hell of a mark when he —_

You slapped me.

You stormed off, the castle quivering under your feet and the tears that slipped from your cheeks melted through the stone.

You hated me now.

That makes it easier.

Thank you.

Loathing might crawl through your veins every time you see me.

Your _good mornings_ will cease.

But I will have planted the seed of doubt into your pretty head. You'll look at Riddle and second guess.

You're a bird of prey, darling. The heir of serpents is no match.

I'm not asking you to come to me when you figure out the truth.

I'm asking you to run away. Get as far away from me as you can and take off, spread your wings and never look back.

Live your life and forget the men who never knew how to handle you properly.

Because I don't want you drowning when you realize how truly mental your Hamlet is.


	8. 𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖕𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

**Someone** had ripped your wings off and you were hurtling towards the ground.

I tried to catch you, but instead I coiled too tightly and you were no longer breathing.

I woke up screaming.

My throat hurt all day, feeling as if someone shoved hot coals down my esophagus and kept making me swallow every time I choked it back up.

You bumped into me in the hall, you were falling so I gripped onto your arm.

Flames engulfed you and you screamed, crumbling to the floor.

I woke up sweating.

I hated when I did that.

My mind was derailing. I missed your _good_ _mornings_ and I missed your smiles but now all you did was snarl right back.

Riddle's arm around you all the while.

I tried to apologize to you late one night, I found you star gazing. The cosmos were trapped in your eyes. You commanded the universe.

And when you pushed me off the tower I tore through the atmosphere like a comet you'd created.

When I hit the unforgiving ground I woke up.

I couldn't do this anymore.

My hands skimmed over my face, through my hair, down my neck and along my torso.

Was I real?

I looked up and Riddle was standing over my bed, wand pointed at my chest. I looked over his shoulder and a sob tore though my throat as I saw you draped in a blanket of red.

_You're pathetic._

I don't know who said it.

I woke up screaming.

_Shut the fuck up,_ Lestrange groaned and threw a pillow at me.

I clutched at my chest as if my lungs were trying to claw their way out.

My legs trembled as I tried to lower myself to the table in the great hall, the tea rippling in its cup as I tried to hold it.

_What's wrong with you?_

Pulling my tongue from the roof of my mouth hurt, it felt like I was dragging glass against the flesh and I looked at Olive.

_Are you real?_

I woke up and you're there lying next to me in bed, only wearing my shirt and moonlight marinated your being.

Your skin is soft as you cover me in the blanket of your arms.

Hot honey, roses and lemon.

It calmed me down.

_You were screaming,_ you said in a whisper, a gentle smile on your lips.

_I was?_

_Mhm, you okay?_ Your painted fingers of bronze ran up and down my back and I shivered.

I swallowed thickly. You always asked me that and I never knew how to answer.

_Nightmare_.

_What about?_

Your holy hand rested on my knee as if you were blessing me, ripples of euphoria passing through my veins and I settled my touch above yours.

Reality hit me like a curse, almost as painful as crucio.

You hate me.

_How... why are you here?_

The wind then rattled the windows and a flicker went through the room. The veil shifted for a moment. And in darkness it was revealed.

The dorm was empty. That wasn't right. The boys should be sleeping in their beds. I should hear Lestrange muttering nonsense in his sleep.

Instead their mattresses lay vacant like coffins just waiting to be used.

For a moment I feared I was the undertaker.

I looked at you, perplexed pain etched onto my features and I held your hand tighter.

I knew the truth but it hurt. It felt as if I was swallowing poison you had offered me on a silver platter. And I'd ravished it willingly. I always would.

I want you to be here.

But I know you aren't.

There's a creak from outside the door.

We both turn, eyes wide as we stare at the wood. Like it was supposed to give us an answer but instead the tabula rasa was slammed down.

I begin to get up.

Your grip tightens like the chains of Andromeda.

_Abraxas, where are you going?_

_I need to see something._

_Just come back to bed._

_What if it's not locked?_

_It's fine._

My vocal chords tremor and I swallow the thick clots of fear, _what if he gets in?_

_What if who gets in?_

I get up, shrugging off your hold because I know it's not you.

Even then I want to just lay down and hold you. Press kisses to your hair, cheeks, nose, and mouth. I want to devour you and I want you to engulf me. Surround me. Drown me. Drop me to my death.

Carve out my heart.

You aren't real.

I get closer, each step a wail, I can hear someone breathing on the other side.

I'm terrified. Glitter glistening my skin and my heart began to implode.

You started crying and I couldn't breathe.

_Please just come back to bed._

_I have to._

_Abraxas my love, please don't open that door._

_I have to._

_Come back to bed, please!_

The moment I touched the doorknob the room is swallowed in darkness.

You're gone.

Everything is gone.

But then I hear screaming.

I can't tell who but I feel like it's you.

It's deafening.

It felt like it was inside of me, scratching at my walls like I was the church, the choirs wails desperate to get out but they'd always be contained.

Only making them louder.

Shaking my limbs and organs so hard until I began to bleed out of my nose and my eyes and my mouth.

This is just a dream.

It got louder and louder and louder and suddenly everything became blindingly white with a resounding boom.

_It's all in your head, Abraxas come on._

I felt a breath on my neck and whirled.

There you were in a pretty white dress, floating in the water like a delicate water lily in a stream.

_Wake up._

You floated closer.

_Wake up Abraxas._

Your lamented eyes met mine.

I tore at my hair till crimson stained the snow of the curls.

I was crying.

Your petals became to heavy as the water rippled and I watched you sink beneath the surface.

_Wake up!_

I was thrashing, screams tearing up my throat, hot tears burning trails of acid along by cheeks and someone was holding me down.

_Calm it down mate! Calm it down!_

The moon light poured into the room and thrashed for a few more seconds before I realized it was Lestrange behind me and holding me down.

I gripped at his arms so tight I'm sure I was hurting him.

Broken cries still leaving me in a chant as I tried to stop hyperventilating.

The other boys in the room were all staring at me. Their eyes wide. They looked frightened.

This wasn't how Abraxas Malfoy acted.

I stopped crying but my chest was heaving and I sank into Lestrange's hold and he loosened his grip but didn't let go.

I got the feeling he knew I needed someone, anyone, to just show me a single moment to prove I wasn't alone.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I gulped and my insides screamed in protest.

He looked down at me after a moment, _are you okay?_

He was the second person to ever ask me that, right behind you.

I raised a brow at him.

 _Right, stupid question._ He corrected himself and I patted his arm and he unwrapped himself from me.

I sat up, rubbing at my eyes and Lestrange snapped at the other boys to go back to bed and never mention a word of this to anyone.

I was thankful but never said it.

I only ever said thank you, to you.

He rolled off my bed, looking at me very sternly and he reminded me of my mother.

_You look like shit._

I managed a laugh and he eventually smiled, going back to bed himself and we never spoke of it again.

But from then on I knew I could trust him.

Finally, I felt like I had someone to talk to.

I actually had a friend, not just an ally.

I wanted to be friends with you.

But the whole bloody world knows that's a lie.


	9. 𝖊𝖝𝖕𝖑𝖎𝖈𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓

**Perhaps** Matthias Lestrange was my Yorick.

I could always seek refuge in him, always talk to him, though he'd never say anything back. He knew his presence was enough and I owe him a great debt for that.

Clouds formed a home over the castle, a comforting blanket. The sun was a nuisance to me, for it hurt my eyes with its blinding optimism and false promises of joy. I never wanted it to shine again. I wanted it to implode, die, and fade. I wanted it to shrivel up and cower in the face of the thunder that shook the skies.

Perhaps I was being dramatic, ever since I met you I've tended to romanticize my life.

The depth of it is exhausting Ophelia, and I do not want it anymore.

The thought occurred to me again as I stood at the edge of the astronomy tower, the front of my feet off the ledge. The danger was sweet on my tongue, the cool air and promise of rain kissing me softly.

I pretended it was you.

Funny how nature always finds a way to mock humanity and its tribulations. Especially those as petty as matters of the heart.

I am exhausted.

You look happy, and I'm glad your heart has warmed again. However heat can be searing and it might just burn through your chest and kill you. Riddle had that effect on people. Don't let your heart be your ruin. 

Ophelia why can't you see it?

He's using you to get to me, and by all the stars it worked. It worked to its full force the moment I saw that damn scarf curled around your neck like a python.

God I hate him for what he's doing to you.

I leaned forward, my balance about to give and I smiled at the ground hundreds of feet below. Oh the earth, what an unforgiving beast it was.

Human nature was such an odd thing for me to confront. To accept.

The real trial was to understand it. I never would. And that's how we as a species are divided. Those who are unknowing and those who are knowledgeable of that great wound that tears through our very beings.

No one truly knows anything other than what they have understood.

Pedagogy, that's what it was referred to as. A world split into the knowing minds and the ignorant ones.

Ophelia I think the scholars are dying out.

Just as well as love and remorse... they died with the sun.

You though, with your witty tongue and soft eyes, could save us. The true goal of a master is to successfully pass on their knowledge with patience and understanding. You my darling, well, you're salvation I suppose.

Yes.

It has a ring to it.

_Abraxas!_

Lestrange screamed and my body reacted instinctively.

Ophelia I'm flying.

It's exhilarating. 

Oh, perhaps not. 

I think I'm dying. 

Is there really a difference?


	10. 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖎𝖎

My heart breaks every time I look at you. For I know, despite all my wishes, I cannot have you.

No matter how much I just want to hold your hand, or simply say hello.

Abraxas we are two burning stars hurtling towards one another, destined to crash in horrific beauty that'll leave an imprint in the cosmos.

I fear one of us will lose our light in the end, wilting into a dying star.

Then again, aren't they the most beautiful?

I've been dragged beneath the waves you've set upon me for what has felt like an eternity.

I am drowning.

I've always been drowning.

And you, you've always been near, so close to saving me, but neither of us can seem to break through the surface.

My tears aren't my anguish, if anything they're my solace.

Despite the bitter coldness of my new reality in the water the tears are warm on my skin I so desperately wish you'd kiss.

I am human.

And I am yours.

If only you knew.


	11. 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖛𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖙

**The** scream that tore from my throat was that of a banshee as I watched you plummet down.

Down.

Down.

It felt as if the first second of eternity had passed.

You shot through the sky like the morning star, Gods banished angel with broken wings no longer able to save you.

_Arresto Momentum!_

The incantation ripped past my throat, my soul was trying to escape me.

You froze just mere centimeters from the ground.

When I heard you laugh I nearly crumbled with relief.

Anger overtook me, why was it always you?

No one knew how to break me like you did.

People you care about aren't supposed to do that.

My steps thundered, rupturing whatever calm was left in the empty courtyard and I stopped in front of your drunken form.

I hated when you were drunk.

You said such mean things.

You rolled over and I felt like crying at the look of amusement on your sharp features. You wreaked of whiskey.

_Beautiful timing._

_What is wrong with you?_

I bit my lip to stop myself from crying, your grin only cutting me deeper.

Deeper and deeper.

Were you trying to burrow your way to my heart to caress it or rip it out?

I never knew.

I never knew when to stop you, either.

I didn't want you to.

You sat up on one elbow, bitterness reigning over your features now. _Where's your boyfriend?_

What happened to the boy I met all those years ago?

The one who was rude in a playful way. The one who still got excited at Quidditch matches. The one who enjoyed my hellos.

You thought you could hide your emotions so well, I found it endearing but now I didn't know anymore.

_Abraxas you frighten me._

_I'm not suicidal._

_I beg to differ since I just saved your arse._

_I had it handled._

_You're unbelievable._

I turned to go, hoping you'd reach out for me. Praying that you'd apologize.

Just this once you'd say you're sorry and mean it.

Say it, say it please.

Make it your mantra and I'll stay, or I'll leave you alone.

I just need to know you mean it.

With each step away from you it felt like something was severing.

My dear Morningstar, have I lost you already?


	12. 𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖘 𝖔𝖋𝖋

**Why** do I always let men hurt me?

I know that's not what love is, it's not what it's supposed to be.

Every relationship I find myself in, the affection always sways between adoration and abuse.

Kisses replaced by punches and manipulation.

I knew what Tom Riddle was doing.

At first I went by in graceful ignorance. I was elated, struck that the boy who was untouchable took interest in me.

Do people really find me so changeable? So gullible?

I am in the House of Rowena Ravenclaw, I believe I should have some respect to my own name.

I see things that go unnoticed.

I could see into that boys heart.

It was wretched.

Greedy.

Sordid.

He wasn't human.

Whatever innocence Tom had harbored, he'd severed his own wings off long ago.

And if I were to be so bold, I had tricked the trickster.

I've strung up the fox in its own scheme.

My breath was sweet and I could spin a lie if need be, spewing my own web of falsehoods.

Tom Riddle probably thought I was in love with him.

It wasn't hard, he didn't know how to love. Or be loved. How would he know any different?

It was easy.

All I had to do was think of the morning star.

Call it cruel of me, but I have no mercy in my heart for the creature inside of him.

It shattered when I first saw the glimpse of what he does to you.

He'd tore apart your youth.

He'd beat you down, I could see it in your eyes.

You were so lost nowadays.

Why do you think I always forgave you?

All the resentment you'd show me. The way you played your hand.

I forgave you for it because I knew you were scared.

Though lately I've been finding it hard to even look at you.

You're becoming reckless with yourself.

Your life is not yours, darling.

You're not the one who will be hurting afterwards.

We hadn't spoken since the courtyard.

Part of me wondered if we ever would again.

You were avoiding me now.

That wasn't new, I was used to you making me into a ghost.

But ghosts haunt people, and I knew I was on your mind.

The image of me would follow you wherever you go. Whispering sweet nothings, making you change your mind.

I had a power over you.

I swear to the stars I won't abuse it.

I only have one command.

Be kind to yourself, Abraxas.


	13. 𝖔𝖍 𝖙𝖎𝖉𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘

**Holiday** season always brought on the false glimmer of joy to the castles walls.

It was as if people forgot the war.

All the death.

My sister was dead and now I have to hear carols.

Stop this torment, please.

I cannot shoulder this burden any longer.

Just talk to me, please.

Whisper your greetings to me as if I'm a criminal conversation.

I kept Tom's bed warm, the heat leaking from my every pore and leaving me cold well into the night.

We didn't talk. There was nothing ever to talk about. He wasn't like that.

Tom Riddle was a black hole.

The gravity of pain was too weighty for him.

His heart collapsed in on itself.

A massive pit of never ending darkness that sucked the bones dry.

Crushing.

Stretching.

Taking a single second and warping it into an infinity.

At any glimpse of light he'd rip it apart until it no longer existed.

I fear for the world when he becomes a supernova.

I'm so lonely.

Not even my novels are a reputable companion now.   
  
I sit alone in my tower, an eagle looking for the break of dawn.

It never came.

It never did.

_God rest ye merry gentleman let nothing you dismay._

The choirs voice slid up along the walls and through the floors, it's voice clawing at my robes and trying to get in.

I felt like choking on lilies as I looked at you.

Smiling as that Lestrange boy made you laugh.

He was good for you, I love him for that.

_To save us all from Satan's pow'r when we were gone astray._

My lips nearly curled.

God lost his throne an era ago when he decided to create monsters.

I think he mistook them for Man.

Besides, why would I want a place beyond those pearly gates when I knew you wouldn't be there.

I know you're tainted.

The sin clung to your skin like honey.

No wonder you were beautiful.

If you were to plummet down I'd fall through the cracks with you.

Hell is just heaven for bad people.

Your gaze caught mine and you ignored me.

Later that night I became the violence in the torrential blizzard that made the castle tremble.

If only you knew.

All those times you looked upon me as if I was holy and pure.

Do not let your heart deceive you, Abraxas.

Ruin clung to my skin like the silver droplets of morning dew.

If only you knew.

I dipped into the deep waters of the prefect's bath, the bubbles coming up like sea foam, trying to dissolve me.

Perhaps I'd let it.

If only you knew.

I'm not a kind person. Smiles didn't compute holiness. Compliments didn't equate to being pure.

My heart might be rotting.

Every time I look at you it stings sharp with each beat of the artery.

I don't want it anymore.

Why couldn't you have ripped it out sooner?

If only you knew.

His hands slid up behind me, searing into my skin and it felt like acid.

Tighter and closer.

The snake was coiling.

He was choking me.

I found it exciting.

If only you knew.

Tom Riddle was suffocating me but I knew you'd be the one to kill me.

My dear Hamlet, you were always the cause.

You were always my end.

Always my madness.

If only you knew.

Perhaps you think I hate you.

I stopped saying _hello_.

Did you ever keep the flower I gave you?

I hope not.

Let it wilt with the dying sun.

_You're thinking too much_ , he spoke softly into my neck.

_Distract me, then._

That's all he was, a distraction.

Ravenclaw's do enjoy their riddles.


	14. 𝖋𝖎𝖗𝖊𝖉𝖗𝖆𝖐𝖊

_Hello_.

You blinked at me as if you didn't recognize me.

You were wearing a suit, ready to go home for the holidays, just about to step on the train.

I had no where to go.

I only came to the station to see you.

You licked your lip, _hello_.

I regret coming.

This was stupid.

I smiled lightly, _have a Happy Christmas, Malfoy._

Your brows furrowed as you peered down at me.

What were you debating?

_You too._

Oh.

Fair enough.

I'd cut you off, I should've expected the same in return.

Nodding, I leave.

The tick tick tick of my heels falling on deaf ears of the crowd around me.

This was stupid.

Why do I keep trying?

Love isn't all I'm fit for, I'm sure of it.

I could be anything I wanted.

The world was mine for the taking.

I could travel and research and study and -

_Ophelia?_

Your hand caught my arm.

The snow clung to your sharp features.

You looked like ice that would burn if touched too intimately.

I stared up at you like an idiot.

Was my admiration so noticeable?

How could I resist? I had my own statue of David right in front of me.

_Abraxas._

_Pardon?_

_Call me Abraxas._

Were you blushing or was it the icy wind kissing your cheeks?

I missed saying your name.

I know I'm an eagle, but the song bird inside of me was thrumming with the ache to sing it.

_Abraxas._

It was sweet on my tongue.

You still held my arm.

The train whistle blew like a siren.

Doors were shutting.

_You'll miss it._

_I don't mind._

I bit my lip. He probably already informed you.

_I broke up with Riddle._

The look on his face when I uttered _we're done_ would be painted in my mind forever.

The boy who hid himself so well cracked for a moment when he realized someone didn't want him.

I saw the boy in him at that moment.

The lost boy.

He'd be lost forever.

You appeared equally as stunned and I laughed.

I hadn't laughed in ages.

_You broke up with Riddle? How?_

_I'm not on his leash._

This has been our longest conversation.

Can't life be like this forever?

The train whistle blew.

_You'll miss it._

You paused, your head tilting.

Hair falling in waves of silk.

_Come with me._

Yes nearly ruptured itself from my lungs.

I stopped.

I remembered you falling.

_Why should I?_

Your lips parted as if to say a prayer, but you too, stopped.

Say it.

Just say it.

Say it and I'll come with you. I'll forget all the pain you cut into me. I'll forget the noose of seaweed you so relentlessly tie around my throat.

Say you want me and I'll be there.

You shook your head.

_Have a Happy Christmas, Ophelia._

And you left.

That night I felt like jumping into the Black Lake.

I wanted it to freeze over above my head.

I wanted it to trap me.

Why do I make things so difficult?

I could've gone with you the moment you asked me.

But would I be happy?

I'm so lonely.

Curled up in my bed, running my fingers along the silk that I wish was your hair.

The dormitory was empty.

I was always the only one here.

Rocking myself, I muttered your song on my lips.

Sometimes it felt that I was only worth what you acquitted me to.

Imagine how I felt when you ignored me.

Ranging from the divine to the mud that tainted my veins. 

Will I always be stuck here?

Longing for what I cannot have?

I could scream it and the universe would still tell me _no, go sit down and be thankful for what you've got._

But if I rub my fingers together all that remains is ash.

Nature wasn't to blame. It was terrifying but it wasn't evil.

Evil was in the hands of Man, and they loved playing with it.

Perhaps this is for the best.

Are you getting over me, Abraxas?

I commanded you to be kind to yourself.

I didn't think that meant getting rid of me.

Perhaps I'm more poisonous than I thought.

You know, I've always considered you the snake. After all this time, I've realized how truly wrong I've been.

Perhaps I was ignoring it on purpose.

You my darling are a dragon.

You protect precious metals and obsess over all that is beautiful in the world with an inferno of your own desire.

Who am I to try to infiltrate?

Posed as some gilded deity for you to worship.

I should've known you'd be able to tell it was faux right from the start.

Your fire is finally melting my resolve.

I'm so lonely.

There was a tap on the window, startling me into a scream.

It was your owl.

I nicked the rolled parchment from its beak.

_Come with me_ , the letter read.

Damn you.

I wanted to throw myself out of the window as I found myself packing a trunk.


	15. 𝖉𝖊𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊

**You** stood down at the castle's entrance.

So pale I thought you were one of the ghosts.

You've always been my ghost, I guess. Always lurking and haunting me with those eyes of yours.

I've never spent longer than ten minutes with you.

Isn't that funny?

All these years and we're still practically strangers.

Will you let me know you?

I want to.

I want to know every inch of your being.

I want to know the thoughts in your head and why you have them.

I want to know how your heart works and if it's your ally or your foe.

I want to know all of you.

I stopped about a foot away, you looked down at me. Unsure of yourself.

You held out your arm.

_What made you change your mind?_

Why do I make things so difficult?

_You don't have to answer that._

But I want to know.

Giving me a small smile, you looped your arm with mine and the world upended.

I was being torn - ripped apart. Mushed back together only to be divided across our existence before we landed on a street.

That's how I always felt when I was near you.

_This isn't Malfoy Manor._

You shook your head.

_It's a Muggle hotel._

You weren't looking at me.

You're ashamed.

I can't blame you.

Everywhere I went a scandal would be at my heels like a lion.

I'm every purebloods favorite harlot.

A pretty arm piece that's alluring because it's dangerous and different.

I'm angelic when I'm not supposed to be.

And they hate me for it.

Scotty, Riddle... and now you.

How will you choose to ordain me?

I only ask one thing of you.

Treat me gently.

I fear I'm on the verge of breaking.

You led us inside, the hotel was very extravagant.

Gatsby surely added his touch.

My heart flickered at the notion that perhaps I was your Daisy.

We were destined for ruin, I was sure of it.

How could this ever work?

We reached the clerk and your mouth worked it's own magic, your charming demeanor slipping out in such a sultry way I wasn't used to seeing.

I knew you weren't completely wicked.

Not yet.

There's good in you, if you know where to look.

I knew you threw my ex down the stairs.

Twice.

I smile at the thought and catch you blushing.

We have a room.

_This is nice._

Such a large bed.

It could've been mistook for a throne.

You were silent and I turn.

You look lost.

_I don't know what I'm doing._

_Neither do I._

_Then why'd you come?_

_Why'd you ask?_

You're quiet again.

Tapping your fingers along a plush chair as you step closer.

_You told me to have a Happy Christmas._

_It wasn't a demand, Abraxas._

You look at me then and I'm rooted.

I want you kiss me but I feel it'll have the same effect as a Dementor.

If you kiss me I know I'm done for.

My soul will be yours and I'll rot.

_Just this once_ , you began, _I want to be happy on this godforsaken holiday._

Somethings wrong.

You're acting like this is a goodbye, a farewell.

To what?

To me?

You smile.

_You think too much._

If only you knew.


	16. 𝖈𝖆𝖘𝖚𝖆𝖑 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖒𝖆𝖈𝖞

**How** come you never answer my questions?

Do you not know either or do you do this on purpose?

I feel it's the latter.

Maybe both.

I never know.

I always thought you were just hiding, but perhaps maybe not.

Now I see you've always shown yourself bare to the world and for the life of me I can't figure out why.

Why are you the way you are?

Your family?

Tom?

I realize you've a weight on your shoulders.

You're an heir, after all.

I look at the bed.

You're avoiding it, too.

I stare at you.

_Do you think I'm a whore?_

You look startled and I smile.

Are you going to answer me this time or ignore it as well?

Your eyes turn sharp, _no._

I hate that I feel relieved.

_Then lay with me._

You're so unsure of yourself.

_Is that what you want?_

_I asked._

_Asking isn't wanting._

_You asked me to be here._

You're silent.

I perch on the bed, my resolve leaving me.

I'm wilting again.

Winter is never kind.

You're rarely kind.

That's okay.

I'm so lonely.

Just do something.

Anything.

Please.

Be violent if you must-

No.

I take that back.

Gentleness doesn't come after violence.

It never does.

It only arises from the absence of it.

I've had enough of violent men in my life.

But I'm so lonely.

It seems the world only ever has violent men.

Are they all I'm fit for?

I can take it.

But I'm tired.

Just talk to me, please.

Your silence is deafening and I feel you're disappearing.

I blink and you're in front of me.

The city burns as you caress my cheek.

The moon was in your eyes, it always was.

No wonder I always thought them familiar.

_Lay with me,_ you whispered.

I am yours.

I felt like crying.

Would you kiss the tears away?


	17. 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖎𝖎𝖎

There's always been a debate on whether or not Ophelia truly killed her self.

Perhaps she fell and merely met an unfortunate end.

Slipping under the water and unintentionally finding a home there.

But you love the lilies, don't you?

Why can't you see it?

Either way, the whole of time seems to know your fate besides you.

I'd do anything to spare you from it, but I'm not a match for the three sisters.

Moirai were ruthless even to the most divine.

Any moment now.

They're getting ready to cut your string.

Are you ready, Ophelia?

I'm not.

I'll see no reason for my existence once you've gone.

Perhaps there'll be room under the waves for one more lost soul.

Run.

Please, just run.

I have the blade in my hand and I can't appear to back away from the thread.

I'm not in control.

Are you ready, Ophelia?

Get ready to run.


	18. 𝖎𝖈𝖍𝖔𝖗

**To** say I want you, is not enough.

It never would be.

I was never good with words.

I don't know what I'm doing.

It's unfair to you, I know.

All my life, if I wanted something, I'd have it.

Can I have you?

It sounds possessive of me.

Perhaps it is.

I know you're human.

I know I can't own you.

Can I have you?

The words wanted to depart from my tongue but they wouldn't and now I was just standing there, touching you.

Is this bliss?

I've never known it before.

If it is I want to get drunk off it.

I'd gotten so used to suffering I forgot there was supposed to be hope.

Can I have you?

I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm lost.

You've touched my heart and now I don't know what do with myself.

You told me to have a Happy Christmas.

I want that with you.

That's why I asked.

I can't say it.

I don't know why.

Can I have you?

Your hand comes over mine.

_Yes._

For a moment I thought you read my mind.

It'd be easier if you could.

Strangers.

That's what we were.

I make strangers of all the people in my life.

I want to know you.

You squeeze my hand and leave.

I panic.

You look at me and smile.

_I'll get ready for bed, then._

My heart eases.

You could kill me right now and I'd be thankful.

Part of myself wants you to.

Right now is perfect.

It's enough, it's all I could ask for.

I don't want it ruined.

It won't last.

So end me now.

But I want to lay with you.

The way you put it made the notion seem to intimate and pure.

Laying with you.

The closest thing to Heaven I'd ever get.

You walk out in your night gown, the opaque blue stark against your skin.

Can I have you?

I'm afraid to touch you now.

I panic.

In the bathroom I can't breathe.

I clutch the marble counter, it hurts my hands.

The knuckles are nearly splitting through the skin.

Who am I to lay with you, Ophelia?

How have I earned that place?

Water droplets collect on my skin as the icy water shocks me.

You're here. You're with me. You haven't left.

Why haven't you left?

When have I ever been kind?

Why do this to yourself?

I walk out and you're splayed out on the silk, my Ophelia floating along the water.

You smile.

_Can I have you?_

You blink.

I didn't mean to say that out loud but it's in the air now.

You've already inhaled it.

Don't let it poison you.

You sit up, beckoning me closer and I stand before you, ready to be blessed.

_In what way?_

Why must you ask me all these questions?

Do you enjoy watching me squirm?

I trace the contour lines of your being.

How are you real?

My eyes meet yours and you are divinity.

_In every way._

Why are you crying?


	19. 𝖌𝖗𝖎𝖒 𝖘𝖊𝖆𝖘𝖔𝖓

**You** were breaking me and I loved it.

I loved every moment of it.

Your body heat was making me feel as if I was thrown into the belly of a dragon, it's insides churning as it got ready to spew its lick of flames.

I loved every second you exhaled a breath and said my name so gently I thought I might shatter. 

_Abraxas._

I wanted to runaway with you.

Was that so bizarre a thing to think?

I wanted to run away with you, long into the night.

I wanted to see the world and eat at a small cafe on the brink of a small city with flowers hanging above our heads and burnt coffee at my lips and you smiling at me and your hand in mine.

I wanted it all.

I was enveloping you and I never wanted to stop.

Rising and heating and blowing and you mewling and hot honey and roses and just - you - I loved every second of it.

I wanted to kill myself for dragging this out so long.

Could we have had this years ago?

Back in fifth year I could've stated it plainly but no, I was scared.

I've always been scared.

When we first met I could've took your hand and said hello, but I didn't in fear of my fathers cane and mothers scrutiny.

Damn them.

My world is you at the moment.

Arching and tightening and sweating and a grin full of cherry red, bitten at lips.

Your eyes were startling as they leaked the blood of gods, your mascara running down in messy rivers and fuck-

You're so beautiful.

How do I handle such tenderness? How am I to cope? I've never been in such a position.

Lust has been a companion to me before but this... this was something else entirely and I loved every minute of it.

You were providing me salvation and it's consuming me.

_Ophelia_.

I've whispered your name many times but never did I think you'd be whispering mine back.

Your nails found purchase in the slicked back ice that adorned by head, clawing and pulling and preening and I was unraveling.

You were undoing me and I loved it.

You make me forget how much I've died over the years.

Grinding and retreating, silk spilling against searing flesh. An intimate dance between two star struck idiots who were lonely and in desperate need for the other.

I loved it.

A chair toppled over.

Your back found purchase on a table.

My thumb tugged against your lips and you open and you're warm and more rain fell down and fuck-

You're beautiful.

All that pain I've been harboring for years was tearing out of me in a torrential down pour and I was scared it'd be too much for you - I didn't want you to drown - but you stopped me.

With your eyes and your mouth and your kiss to my lips you told me clear as day.

It wasn't my fault.

Hands clasping around your rib age I lift and you hover and I feel if I let go you'll float away from me.

God can't claim you as his angel.

Not yet.

What a malicious time this was for us, for the world.

Winter brings death yet people sing of tidings and joy.

Lower you move and your heat greets me again and I'm becoming unbound all over.

I loved it.

Whatever passions we've had, I realize we're at liberty to set them free.

Your throat bends.

I'm afraid but you're here, looking at me as if I'm the one who's providing sanctuary and I move to the rhythm you set.

I've always been so lonely but you're here.

I'm holding you.

I'm afraid.

_Abraxas._

Your mouth gapes open, you're melting in my arms and the world is ripping apart like golden leaves fallen from fire.

Why do desire and longing always bring about the most unfortunate of circumstances?

Ophelia what have you done to me?

Heaven was roaring in my ears.

Faster - quicker - _Abraxas_ \- your hair was twined between my fingers - tugging - biting - aching - _Abraxas_ \- rougher - my hand was imprinted upon your throat.

Our mingled breathes and the smell of you was a new cologne that I wanted to adorn everywhere.

I wanted you to burn me, leave your mark, prove that you're here and real.

Nails found purchase in the taut muscles of my back.

Pulling - dragging - sinking.

Every kiss you left was like hot wax, sealing my fate.

_Ophelia_ , I am yours.

The room was in sweet distress, neither of us kept to one spot for long.

Tension and tension, years of it building up and it had snapped tonight.

The madness of your hair and the marking of my mouth.

I craved you.

I'd never been so thankful to be human.

Fuck dying.

I want you.

I want you to burn the heart out of me.

And we started again.


	20. 𝖋𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖑 𝖉𝖊𝖊𝖉𝖘

**The** cobblestone streets were glinting, melted snow being a stubborn goo that clung to the sides of pavement.

It was three in the morning when you spoke.

_Abraxas_.

_Hm?_

_Are you asleep?_

I can't sleep.

I've never been able to, not really.

You always plagued my dreams, making me feel euphoric. But then I'd wake up and you weren't there and I hated the world we live in.

You needn't here that.

_Not anymore,_ I whispered.

Why do we keep whispering?

We're alone.

For once.

_Do you want to go explore?_

_Explore?_

_Yes._

_Why?_

_Why not?_

_Where?_

You paused and I look at you, intimacy carved all over your skin.

You smile and lean up on your arms, _where ever you like._

That was true. We could go anywhere. We could be anything.

_Ophelia, it's three in the morning._

Why can't I just say yes.

The night wasn't wasted as I whispered your name between your hips again.

Our days were short but I found myself stretching them until the existence of time protested.

There was a shop, busy and the bathrooms large and lavish.

Warm.

Empty.

Only the moon and I heard you screaming.

Your lips in a maddening grin afterward.

The next night-

We were walking aimlessly through the empty streets of London, holiday decorations adorning windows and shops and home windows and we don't belong.

Wind ripped through us, I felt strange.

Not we - just I alone.

I didn't belong.

This was your world, not mine.

The shock of it made me feel as cold as a wet iron gate. You sensed a change and looked to me, heaven in your eyes and you frowned.

_What's wrong?_

_Where do you want to go?_

I don't want to tell you. My burdens are grim and heavy and you'll sink into the floor.

Don't care for me, it's dreadful work.

You'll rot if you do.

You want to argue, I can see it in the way your lips pull and strain and your nose scrunches.

But you don't and keep walking, _I want to visit a museum - but not now. In the day._

It was three in the morning.

I wanted to laugh at your obscurity but bit my tongue, poisoning myself in the process.

I fear if I let myself enjoy these moments something terrible will happen.

There was an unlocked car, sitting idly in the street and devilish delight that erupted from your lungs in the back seat ripped the bones right from my body.

Our exhales painted the windows in a dewy fog and your handprints dragged bloody against it.

 _You're thinking too much_ , you sighed.

_If only you knew._

You look at me sharply and I can't discern why. Was it something I said or something I didn't?

We continued these three in the morning escapades for a three days.

I noticed you like the number three.

You'd brush your hair three times on one side before you switch to the other and vise versa. You'd stir your tea three times before drinking it. You'd tap your toothbrush to the counter thrice before brushing. Turning a book over in your hand - one - two - three - before reading.

I found it endearing.

We go to a library and you're at home within its walls. I've never been to a public one before, no less one that was muggle.

You laugh when I offer to buy you all the books.

It's three in the morning on Christmas Eve.

You're reading to me, something that hasn't happened since I was seven.

Warmth bloomed hotter than the fire behind me and I'm melting through the floor.

_Do not go gentle into that good night._

I've never had such a disposition before, I've never cared to. But then you touched me for the first time and now I always fear I'm too rough.

Too careless.

Too reckless.

Too violent.

_Old age should burn and rave at close of day._

Your hand is running through my hair and I feel like I'm dying.

I close my eyes.

Why can't I breathe?

 _Rage_.

Ophelia, I think something is wrong with me.

_Rage against the dying of the light - what's wrong?_

You look down at me with concern in your gaze and only then did I realize how mine are pooling.

Hot - burning- acidic.

I shake my head.

_Too close to the fire._

Your nose scrunches. You want to argue but you don't - you start reading again.

_Though wise men at their end know dark is right -_

I still can't breathe and my skin is trying to carve itself off my muscle. Everything hurts. Everything burns.

Everything everything everything - I want to die. It hurts. I struggle to stop myself from gasping.

_Because their words had forked no lightning they -_

I track the pain - tearing - dragging - chasing after it to find its source. Ripping apart my limbs, tugging at my veins and I get closer and closer to the center. So close.

Why does everything hurt?

Acid is trying to escape from me again at this torment. I can hear my tear ducts sizzling.

Closer and closer - where is it? What is this?

I rip open two french doors made of bone and freeze in horror and awe at what I find before me - a bloody red massacre and something beating terribly over and over and over - no. It's not beating.

There's a fist wrapped around it. The red muscles waiting to burst between the knuckles as it's squeezed.

About to burst.

I look up at you through red rimmed - bloodshot eyes.

Ophelia I think I am in love you.

_\- Do not go gentle into that good night._


	21. 𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖞 𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖙

**I** didn't want to love you.

Is that wicked of me?

My love would be more cruel, trust me, I'd be saving you if I didn't.

My love would only harm you.

You're holding my heart, I know you have the power to rip it out, you're already half way there.

But if you let go you'll see the blisters on your palms.

So perhaps ripping it from its cage would be your sweetest revenge.

That's okay, I deserve that.

And I love you.

I don't want to.

I shouldn't.

I don't want to but I do and I know I can't stop.

I lay you gently on the cold dark ground.

I feel like I'm dying and I love you and you're gasping into my mouth and it reverberates through my hollow chest.

I love you.

I hate it.

Love is killing me while you kiss me.

Same difference.

Your tongue is your weapon and you tear me apart - biting - blowing - inhaling - unwinding.

You're murdering me and you don't even know.

I push and you pull and your spine is digging into the ground and I'm sure it hurts but your moans are from pleasure not pain and you whisper my name - _Abraxas._

I'm dying and I love you.

The flame of the hearth is no match for the heat between us yet I still feel that leeching cold bite at my skin.

Sucking - draining - undoing - killing.

Is that your doing or the leeches?

I love you.

The statement wants to rip out of my mouth like an obscurus and devastate the whole city.

Do you know?

I wonder if you do.

You clever little witch, you seem to know everything. Do you know?

Do I want you to know? - no, I don't.

If you do, it might kill you as well.

There's only enough room left in the soil for one of us and I knew it would be me before you.

Riddle talks of immortality and I never understood till now.

I don't want to live forever, no.

But if I could grant you such a thing I would, if I knew you'd be happy for an eternity.

I love you and I think I'm dying.

It feels like it.

_Abraxas._

I pick you up, holding you gently in my arms yet my primal instinct drives into you further - deeper - harder - rougher.

Your back hits the wall and it caves in before softening and you're crying out, your lips are swollen, I can't breathe and fuck-

I love you.

It's a declaration I don't think I could ever voice even if I were a Capulet in Verona.

Pain had always been my love language, I realize that now.

No wonder all who got too close got singed.

You deserved to be handled with care but I fear my hands aren't steady enough.

The trauma makes them tremble and if I hold onto you for too long you'll drop and shatter and I'll be the one to step over the glass - delighting in the sound of you being crushed underneath my feet.

Your nails dig into my back and my spine vibrates and everything is just you - you - you.

I can't breathe.

My chest is hallow but you're warm and you're invading me and it hurts.

I shudder at the realization -

You've burned the heart out of me.

 _Ophelia_ , I love you.


	22. 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖎𝖛

Somethings different, it whispers to me in the wind.

I know it's coming.

I don't run.

Abraxas, I can tell you want me to.

But I won't.

It's whispering, drawing nearer with every day and with each second I hold you tighter because I know any moment now -

I'll have to let go.

It's coming and I don't know what to feel or if I shall feel anything at all.

Numb is a great anesthesia, but I'm only human.

Why rob myself of the pain if it's the last thing I'll ever experience?

You want me to run but I won't.

I know it's coming.

The wind whispers to me at night.

It's near.

I won't run.

Not anymore.


	23. 𝖞𝖚𝖑𝖊

**Bells** were ringing, snow fell like ash to the ground and I cried into my tea.

Tears being my sweetener.

My thumb scrapes them away below my eye and it hurts but you're walking towards me and I smile and murmur my _good morning._

_Merry Christmas,_ you say softly and the ice of your lips pressed hot to my forehead.

I don't know why I'm crying.

I never know why.

You have something to do with it, you usually do.

Usually I can piece it together, but you're a different riddle. One that I can't toy with.

I hold my tea cup and let it burn my skin.

You hold out your hand and I'm about to grasp it when I realize you're holding an offering.

I sigh, _I haven't gotten anything to give to you._

_I figured as much._

_That doesn't make me feel better._

You smile and pick up the silver string, your ring hanging from the end like a corpse.

I touch it and it's cold and my fingers flinch back.

_I can't-_

_Take it._

_But-_

_Please._

So I do.

It falls and curves along the collar of my bones and it fits snugly and it's so cold.

It feels like you.

I smile and I am in pain and you kiss me and the world is ending.

Our days together are almost over.

We'd be back at hogwarts soon, are you going to ignore me again?

I knew we would be criminal conversation if we continued how we are at the castle. The scandal would paint the stones red like back in fifth year.

The White Dragon and the Golden Harlot.

You've ignored me for years and I've coped but now that I know you - if you ignore me again I might die.

Your hands slide beneath my thighs, the serpent coiling around me, biting into me and making me feel numb and ditsy and I feel free for a moment and your poison sinks into my blood - then it's over.

I sigh out and darkness creeps back in but I'm scared of it and I yank you closer.

I tear and dig and preen and - yes - your dragon fire lights the room for the time being and the inky swell of black sinks back into the corners.

I can't use you as a distraction, Abraxas.

You don't deserve that.

But I don't know any other way to keep the terrors at bay.

Sex has always been the best way to take my mind off things, my only focus is you - the feeling - the heat - pain - you - and fire.

I'm so lonely.

Right now you're the cure to the nasty disease that's infected me for years.

Brand me - own me - make me yours.

I know I'm my own woman, but I'm so lonely.

I want to belong to someone, I want my heart vulnerable and I want you to have a vice grip on it. I want you to drive your thorns into every vein of my being - I want you to end me.

I don't know how else to put it.

Existing is futile.

I'm a hypocrite.

I told you once your life isn't yours, and that's true.

I should hold myself to the same standard but why bother.

I want you to end me.

You'll be my method of suicide.

Run your tongue sharply over my forearms - not sideways - straight up - cut into me and bleed me dry.

If you will not allow me to drown in the waters I might as well do so in my own blood.

Perhaps I'm truly Ophelia after all.


	24. 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖞 𝖓𝖊𝖜 𝖞𝖊𝖆𝖗

**The** clock is ticking - itching towards the end of another year. Another droning three hundred and sixty five days of nothing and more nothing.

Just nothing.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Yet within these past two weeks you've given me a lifetime.

The night is cold but so are you and your palm closes around mine in a kiss and I feel empty yet full as you drink me up.

_Ten_.

Why must life be so cruel? What's the point? Why are we here?

Will you ignore me?

I can't get the question off my tongue.   
  
I think back to how now I'll have to see everyone at school again, I'll be back in my tower.

I'm so lonely.

I'll have to see Tom and Scotty again and panic swells in my chest.

I stare at you and you look back and offer a smile, mistaking my glossed over gaze as drunken stupor.

I wish I was drunk but the liquid is so foul I find no joy in it.

I can feel my bones and they itch.

Will you ignore me?

_Nine_.

Couples laughing and drinking and dancing - you stand up and I blink.

Your hand is held out, your ring is cold between the cavern of my breasts and you make me rise up.

_Dance with me,_ if it was a question it sounded like a command and I loved it.

I want you to still want me when we go back.

I want you possess me - be my ghost - haunt me - make me shake and tremble.

Don't leave me, I couldn't bear it.

I'm so lonely.

You're not a distraction, I promise.

Will you ignore me?

_Eight_.

Pressed together, no room for saint like behavior - tighter - spinning - laughing - grinning.

You seem so happy.

Your eyes crinkled and you looked your age for once.

What does that feel like?

Have I known happiness?

I don't think so.

If I did I forgot it when my sister was killed, the memories are blocked out, I can't reach them. All there is - pain - longing - you - loneliness - you - suffering - cold - heat - you ...

Will you ignore me?

_Seven_.

Between each tick time is getting shorter yet I feel as if I'm being dragged by my hair, my scalp screaming yet -

I love it.

Just you against me and we're dancing and you're laughing as drunks stumble by.

I've never heard you laugh.

I adore the sound.

I want to bottle it up and keep it warm with my breath as I mutter your song on my lips.

Will you ignore me?

_Six_.

My heart is racing and your fist clenches the fabric of my dress, I thought it might tear.

I don't mind.

Your dragons hot fire licks my neck and I'm spinning and spinning and spinning and the world blurs and it's just you in focus.

That's all I want.

Just you.

Will you ignore me?

_Five_.

_Ophelia_ , you shout, your voice a boom amongst the others screaming voices and you're laughing and I felt like crying.

You look so happy.

I want to kiss your grin but I feel I'll ruin it.

You pull me close and my joints scrape and I feel like crumbling to the floor.

Will you ignore me?

_Four_.

Someone bumps into my back and champagne spills - the air is intoxicated but I'm sober and the pain is overwhelming.

I feel like screaming but I know you won't hear me.

My dress is sopping and I felt like crying but your dancing with me and you look so happy.

Will you ignore me?

_Three_.

Air is tense and people still, gazing up at the clock like it's doomsday.

Your hold on me is tighter and my ribs are cracking.

Will you ignore me?

_Two_.

I look up at you and you're cold and frightening and lovely and I adore you.

Will you ignore me?

_One_.

Has this really only been in ten seconds?

The phrase being shouted around us is whispered into my mouth hotly by yours.

Dashing - swirling - biting - grinning into me.

You're so happy.

Will you ignore me?


	25. 𝖉𝖆𝖗𝖐 𝖒𝖆𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗

**It's** our last night in our little haven - the world is ending.

I know it is.

The skies are darker and the wind is whispering omens.

It felt like this before my sister died.

I don't want to leave.

Could I convince you we should stay?

I pull you close and you drop the shirt you were packing.

Hot - searing - cold - burning - your ring is like ice and the cold is seeping straight through my sternum and into my heart.

End me.

Please.

If the world is ending, kill me first.

If not as a kindness to me then to spite god.

I want to hate him - perhaps I still might - but he created you.

So I'll hate him with a seething admiration instead.

I don't want to leave.

You lay me tenderly on the bed, lay with me, echoing in my head for when I first spoke it.

Was that really only a few weeks ago?

You've given me a little infinity but our universe is reaching its end.

It's about to stop expanding.

You know what happens once it does that, don't you?

Everything ends.

Everything dies.

Everything.

Light fades and stars collapse and nothing is no where and everywhere and we're nothing and -

_Abraxas._

Your mouth is all over and sucking and biting and grinding and pulling and you're within me and I'm begging you to never stop.

Tonight is different, you know it too, I can tell.

 _Mine_ , is being seared into my skin as you blow and take and dissolve me.   
  
_Mine - mine - mine - mine - mine._

We're desperate and we're lonely and our refuge is in each other and the withdraws are already starting even though we haven't stopped infecting each other with our needle like kisses.

Your tongue sharp and drawing blood.

I'm addicted to you.

I am and the world is ending.

 _Abraxas_ , kill me first.

End me before the sun dies.

Your hand is at my throat - you're anchoring yourself to me. Gravity is gone and I'm here and you're desperate.

I can't breathe.

I love it.

Harder - rougher - tighter.

I'm choking and I love it.

Death is tickling my insides and I'm nearly there and then you loosen and kiss me and my hips are shifting and aching and breaking and you pour outward.

 _Ophelia_ , something else almost drips from your tongue like honey onto my skin but it doesn't and I don't have time to contemplate and you start breaking me down again.

Black is creeping up from the corners - that isn't right.

They usually cower back when you're here.

They know the end is near.

They're getting bold.

I squeeze my eyes shut.

I crave death but the darkness threatening to spill over isn't internal sleep - that's not what that is.

I act as if it's a stranger but I know it's not.

I'm neglecting it and that's why it's mouth is foaming and it's teeth are glinting and drool is pooling on the floor.

The darkness isn't death, it never was.

 _Ophelia_.

My spine arches and it might snap, the bones grinding and I'm crying- my mascara leaving a runny trail of demise down my stained cheeks.

 _Ophelia_ \- something else is on your tongue.

Just say it, I want to know.

The darkness growls and I screw my eyes shut, nails digging and my teeth sink into your shoulder.

Say it and maybe the swelling darkness will rest. Maybe it'll go back into hibernation.

I want to ignore but it's growing restless.

My veins are hardening and I want to cut them out of my arms but instead I wrap them around you and back - forth - back - forth.

I'm screaming and the darkness howls.

Abraxas -

_I love you._

Who said it?

Me or you.


	26. 𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 𝖖𝖚𝖆𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘

**The** morning was cold - the trees under my skin had frozen over blue.

I wanted to curl up and melt into the silks but you kissed me and I unfurled.

_Good morning_ , I whispered. Will you let me say good morning to you at school now?

Will you say it back?

You smiled - strained.

Say it now, please.

You don't and get up, the sheets turning to ice and I shiver.

I always thought you were cold - apparently you were my only warmth.

The bathroom door opens as you walk in, I eye the bath.

I want to drown in it.

Will you hold me under?

No, that'd be cruel of me.

Besides, it's too small - what happened to me?

It's like getting to know you only fed into my sadness.

I wanted this, though.

I knew it would hurt and I kept walking - talking - kissing - you.

It was all you.

Everything I am is you and I want you, my darling, to undo me.

Rewrite my existence or erase it, either one works.

As the wind whispers a lullaby through the window I know it'll be the latter.

I get up.

I'm so lonely.

King Cross Station glints shove us like a rusted scythe - I want to duck my head lower but I know it would behead me either way.

You're still by my side and I'm grateful but I know as soon as me run through the brick wall we'll fall back into our dance where we're more depressed and slow and it isn't as sensual.

I felt like crying.

Your hand was on my cheek, thumb swiping and it felt like gravel and with the way you were looking at me -

Fuck.

_I'm sorry._

Your brow furrows and you're close and a cigarette is hanging from your mouth and the nicotine seeps into my pores.

_What for?_

 _Everything. Nothing. I don't know -_ run away with me.

He was a Malfoy, if he ran, the world would be watching.

You sigh through your nose and it comes out as smoke and the dragon in you is showing.

You know things will be different. They had to be. Didn't they?

Why?

Why did they have to?

Who's to say? Who dictates what can be right and wrong? God? Surely not. His commandments were lost in translation and evil became holy and good became sin.

But I knew why.

And I hated him.

Tom Riddle.

I wanted to kill him.

I've never wished death on anyone but myself but I wanted to rip his spine from his back and inflict crucio on every single one of his nerves separately.

What happened to me?

Cruel thoughts lead to cruel deeds.

_I want to be with you_ , I say calmly despite the hurricane going off inside of me.

You hold me close and despite your careful touch I'm cracking.

_And I all the same_ , your fingers grasp my chin and my throat bends back and your mouth is hot - _but_ \- you pause.

Say it.

Just say it.

Cut me open now so I bleed dry before I reach the train.

You look at me and the moon is in your eyes but the craters are frowning and I step away from you.

I know I said I wanted you to end me but... perhaps not.

I'd rather break myself.

_I'll see you at the feast._

And I fell backward through the brick and for a moment I thought you were crying.


	27. 𝖕𝖊𝖓𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊

**I'd** only been plotting his murder for a few minutes when I ran into him.

Tom looked down at me, brief recognition flickering before - yes - he remembered me and what I had done.

Then he smiled and I felt cold but not the same as I did with you.

His would rot me.

Not the kind that wilts - spoils, he'd touch me till my skin eats itself and marvel at his new statue of frozen flesh.

I hate him.

And I loved you.

Why do they feel the same?

My back pressed into the glass door of one of the compartments, I thought it might break.

The curtain slid down as well as my skirt and his hands were all over - dusting over the imprint of you.

My tights tore and I mewled and I hated myself more so now than I did him.

The blackness was shrinking back even more now into the crevices of the old seats of the express.

Yes, Tom always kept them at bay the best.

He didn't satisfy them like you did - he terrified them instead.

Biting - blowing - aching - arching - the creak of glass - _Tom_ \- I hate myself.

I'm so lonely.

My shirt came up and he saw your ring and the grin that stretched his face was akin to a shark.

Pulling the chain tight - choking me with it - grinding - yanking - searing - moaning.

I hate myself and I love you.

Tom pulled the chain tight and the silver cut into my skin. I wanted him to pull harder. To tear through my throat and choke on my blood.

_You're thinking too much._

His eyes bore into mine - not the moon - but an eclipse.

Pure darkness and he knew and he loved it.

I love you - I'm with him - I hate myself.

I might as well carve an A into my flesh.

I deserved it.

I arch and my spine scraped and it hurts and it's bliss and he knows and he goes harder - rougher - faster - my screams silent due to his charm.

As the train zips through Scotland in a blur of white and decay outside I'm becoming undone and I want to cry.

_Let it out._

He can read my thoughts and I find a strange comfort in the notion.

What happened to me?

Blood slips hot from my eyes mixed with mascara and it's a mess and he drinks it in and is tearing and tightening - he loves seeing me this way.

Tom Riddle liked me broken.

With every drive of his being into me another crack would form and he chased it - watching as the line shattered me.

I want to kill him.

I want to kiss you.

But my mouth found purchase on his instead.

He found me exciting and that disgusted him. But he covered up the fact by acquitting what he was doing as stealing from you.

He knew that you loved me - and he cherished in making me come.

My legs tremble and I pull the shreds of my tights up and tuck your necklace under my shirt and I'm black and blue all over from Tom Riddles touch - frost bitten.

His thumb traces my swollen eyes and yes -

Violent men were all that I was fit for.

Shakespeare built me for the abuse.


	28. 𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖔𝖒

**I** fell off the astronomy tower - like you did - and I thought perhaps you might be somewhere down in the courtyard to catch me - like I did.

You weren't.

That Lestrange boy was there, though.

Inches, just mere inches, before I shattered and he yelled at me and I cried and he looked lost before reluctantly giving me a hug.

He was cold too - though not as leeching.

Silly me - I forgot snakes were cold blooded.

I sniffed and he rocked me and he looked uncomfortable - I wanted to laugh.

It was inappropriate but I didn't it anyway.

_What's your name?_

_Lestrange._

_Your first name._

He eyed me a moment before caving, _Matthias_.

_Can I call you Matty?_

He nearly smiled, _no_.

Where did you go?

I haven't seen in you in the Great Hall at all in the fast first week.

Are you taking care of yourself?

I hope you are.

That was my only command, hopefully you're abiding.

I think Matthias told Tom about my fall - why else would he know where I was at the moment?

It was three in the morning and I was walking - pretending I was with you.

He stepped out of the shadows, alluring and he knew.

I wanted to turn away but the shadows cowered back and I fell into him.

The stone tore at my flesh, so cold and so cruel.

Hands gripping and digging into the soft flesh of my thighs and he carried me - staggering - heated - tightening my arms around his shoulders and I let him chisel away at me more.

I hate him and I hate myself and it's perfect.

Through and door and then his feet are echoing and I hear the pitter patter of a faucet drooling and we're in the prefects bathroom.

I look to the pool of a bath and wonder -

_Don't try it._

I scrunch my nose but he swallows my argument and my clothes get dissolved by the bubbles.

It hurts and I take in every moment of it - hating how I bend and move against him.

I miss you.

Where are you?

Don't ignore me.

Did Tom tell you?

The thought rocks me to my core and I felt like crying and screaming - the fear overwhelming. I don't want to hurt you but Abraxas where are you?

Tom squeezes and soothes and my hips go up - down.

_Calm down, he doesn't know._

You're lying.

He looped a finger on the chain and yanked my mouth to his, _of course I am_ , being breathed into my mouth.

It hurt and I loved it.


	29. 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖛

It's over.

The world ended.

Everything had gone up in the flames and you were at the center of it all.

The sight so astonishing and heart wrenching one would think it was the library of Alexandria crumbling to the floor.

I told you to run and you didn't.

Ophelia, why are you so stubborn?

It's all over.

What was the point?

Pages of memories were flaring up in smoke and everything was hazy and I couldn't breathe.

The world ended.


	30. 𝖍𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖔

**I** wasn't sleeping - I hadn't been for nearly three days.

Damn you and your threes.

It got to the point where I thought you were there and holding me - the ghost of your touch still everywhere and burning me alive.

I thought you said _I love you_ , but you didn't.

It was the water creaking against the windows.

You're not here with me anymore.

My bed is cold.

I'm so lonely.

I haven't gone to class and now I have a detention but I don't care.

I can't bare to see you.

Besides, I don't want you seeing me like this.

Riddle knew where I was over the holiday and I spent three hours under the red curse - damn you and your threes.

He knew.

I was shaking and I needed medical attention but I couldn't or else he'd kill me - I used to not care if he did.

But like I said - fuck dying - I want you.

Just right now I can't and I hope you understand.

I turn a corner in the library and a book falls and - fuck - hot honey roses and lemon.

Looking at you, you're startled and surprised and your eyes are shining.

Please don't cry.

I want to hold you but there's people around and I don't think they're staring but I can feel it and I itch all over and I hate what I'm doing to you.

_Hello_ , you say quietly.

I finally say it back.

You seem to melt and I crumble and I can't help it - but thumb traces the space below your eye and you're colder than I remember.

_Are you real?_

You smile, _why wouldn't I be?_

I haven't been sleeping.

But I don't tell you that.

You seem confused. Why? What happened?

You look expectant - expectant of something from me.

_What is it?_

You blink and shake your head, _it's_ _nothing._

_It's something._

_It's not._

I frown. You're different.

What happened?


	31. 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖊𝖓𝖉

**Riddle** knocked on the dormitory door at three in the morning the next day - his expression - I couldn't read it.

I never really could but something was off.

_Malfoy_ , he called - the cruelty was absent and my heart dropped.

I'm confused.

_What is it?_

_Come with me._

_But-_

_Now._

I slipped out of bed and Lestrange eyed me from his pillow and I shook my head.

I'm confused.

The stone of the dungeons is cold and biting and I watch the back of Riddle's head, he's not looking at me. Nothing new, but something was off.

I'm confused.

He stopped abruptly, causing me to crash into his back and I mutter a _sorry_ , his eyes pierce mine and my brow furrows.

_What is it?_

_Have you eaten?_

I wanted to laugh at how strange he was acting but thought better of it.

_Why?_

_Have you eaten?_

_No._

_Good, you might puke._

I'm confused.

He sighed and for a moment I thought he looked human - pinching his nose he looked into the common room before looking back at me.

Riddle was debating something.

I'm confused.

Then he pulled out his wand and I flinched but he ignored me and cast something over the room, taking a step forward my ears then felt fuzzy.

A silencing charm?

I'm confused.

Riddle walked into the common room and I followed, my eyes glued to the back of his head.

Turning, he was glowing a slight green that made him look sickly yet divine and his jaw was clenched and he dug into his pocket.

His fist was tight - reached out - pulled back - another breath - before extending his arm out again and a silver chain dropped from his fingers and my ring hung at the end - it looked as if it'd been hanged.

I went rigid, _why do you have my ring?_ I gave that to Ophelia.

I knew he knew.

His eyes shifted to the large windows behind me, gesturing and dread washed into the room in a tsunami wave.

Turning, the rush of the water and the scream ripped me off my feet and I collapsed into the stone.

There you were.

Suspended in the air - no - water - floating like a lily that got sucked beneath the surface by the undertow.

 _Ophelia_.

Was I whispering or screaming?

The world had ended.

Your mouth hung open and your eyes were too - frozen ichor stuck to your cheeks in icy droplets.

 _Ophelia_.

I turn to Riddle, how did he get my ring?

I'm confused - no - it makes sense.

Ophelia, if I'm Hamlet then this is act v - sc. ii.

_Kill me._

Tom Riddle blinks, head tilting - grins.

_No._


End file.
